A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything

You can have a lot of great sex, but how many mindblowing kisses will you have?

Kissing is the most intimate act of affection a man can show. It invites a level of intimacy where vulnerability is felt but not always noticed or acknowledged.

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I remember my first kiss. It was a few days before my 13th birthday. Her name was Natasha. She came to my house to wish me a Happy Birthday. After an awkward silence, she invited me to a movie. I don’t know what about Tash made me like her, or what about me made her show up at my house that morning. But, I kept thinking about our movie date.

When the day came, and we settled in to watch the movie, I offered Tash some popcorn. She quietly refused and kept her eyes forward. We both sat still side by side, never making eye contact. Just as the movie started, Tash grabbed my face and forced her tongue in my mouth. This being my first kiss, I didn’t know what to do. But because I liked her, I followed her lead. I wrapped my arm around her and she leaned into me. The kiss wasn’t as dreamy as it sounds because after a few seconds, I tasted blood in my mouth. Our inexperience and her braces had lead to her biting my tongue. I sprinted out of the theater in embarrasment. When I got in the bathroom and looked in the mirror, I could see a small slit on the tip of my tongue.

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While my first kiss was embarrassing, I do remember is as the first time I’d felt vulnerable with a girl. I learned, even at that age, that kissing was about connection; building it and reaffirming it. A tender kiss closes the distance and leaves no room for misunderstanding.

Kissing is a physical act of love that isn’t defined by a performance. It is defined by risk.

Men, by and large, are taught to view sex as currency in dating and relationships. It’s one of the more damaging myths about masculinity; if you do this or say that, sex will happen. There are tutorials dedicated to teaching men how to be better in bed as if there’s a universal scale on which to measure sexual performance. What media doesn’t encourage is men placing a high value on the art of a great kiss.

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There are different types of kisses that mean different things.

There’s the first kiss. This serves as a gesture of genuine interest. It’s the type of kiss that is playful, yet often scary. Boundaries aren’t always clear. So, the first kiss to learn where each other’s comfort zones begin and end. It’s the kiss that pulls a woman in,and makes her feel safe. Everything is familiar, but also new.

There’s the kiss of pure lust. This is the kiss that leads to making love. It may be forceful and vacillate between aggressive and teasing. It’s a kiss that heightens the senses. It’s the kiss seen in movies that leaves us with a sense of longing. Because, we want that.

There is the I missed you kiss.  This is perhaps the most important kiss a man will ever give a woman. Not all men vocalize their feelings. Some feelings can only be conveyed through physical touch. When a man kisses you because he missed you, it’s an embrace that will engulf your entire body. You can’t help but get lost in each other. In that kiss, there are a multitude of emotions, eagerness, hope, boldness, affirmation, trust, and confidence.

When a man kisses a woman, it can best be described as a crash. Two opposing energies coming together to ignite a spark. And, in that spark a man reveals his truth about how he feels about a woman and her place in his life.

What It Feels Like To Have Anxiety And Depression At The Same Time

Anxiety and depression are two mental illnesses that go hand-in-hand. 

One half of all people diagnosed with anxiety will also be diagnosed with depression. 

The real tragedy behind those statistics is that anxiety and depression are highly treatable.

I know what I'm talking about, because I suffer from both disorders, and in order to stay alive I have had to do my homework. If you're anxious and depressed, you probably do too. 

Despite how common they are, only one third of people diagnosed with anxiety and depression ever seek medical help. That's disastrous, because people who suffer from both conditions are six times more likely to be hospitalized for psychiatric reasons than others. 

Anxiety and depression can be caused by genetics, brain chemistry, or life events. Facing the two disorders together can feel doubly daunting, but it isn't impossible — I'm going to say that again because if you've made your way to this article it's important you hear it — it isn't impossible.

You can do this. 

It's hard to explain to people who aren't anxious and depressed simultaneously just what it's like to have these two disorders battle it out in your brain.

Because it's so hard to talk about, you might find the very notion of explaining how you're living day to day an impossible feat, even to family and friends. 

Below I've shared eight common struggles people who are both anxious and depressed face every day. 

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1. Sleep is a real challenge.  

When you have anxiety and depression, sleep problems are really common. For some it's insomnia, for others it's sleeping too much! My anxiety can make it really hard for me to sleep at night because I start thinking about how one day I will die and that triggers a panic attack. Then in the morning, because of my depression, getting myself to wake up can be a major struggle. 

2. It's hard to keep up with friendships.  

When you have anxiety and depression, your personal relationships can really suffer. As a person with depression, I have to work very hard not to fixate on irrational fears like the fact that I'm not "good enough" to be anyone's friend. 

As a person with anxiety, however desperate I might be for companionship, I find myself repeatedly cancelling plans because the idea of having to leave the house and interact is sometimes more than I can handle. It's easy to write off a person with anxiety and depression as a "flake" or someone who isn't interested in your friendship, but sufferers of anxiety and depression know this couldn't be further from the case. Sometimes we just can't do it. 

Don't beat yourself up about this if it's something that happens to you. Your real friends will understand if you're honest with them about what's happening. Just make sure you continue to communicate. Better to be honest and risk embarrassment then to stay quiet and potentially lose a friend. 

3. Managing work stress is incredibly hard.  

Because of my depression, finding a job that makes me happy can be challenging.

Because as a depressed person it is hard to be excited about anything. As an anxious person having a job is great because the routine can feel really stabilizing. What doesn't feel so great is the constant panic that you aren't doing your best work or that you're a fraud and any second you could be fired.

The goal is to find a job you love and you'll have to work really hard to convince yourself that you even deserve it. 

I struggle with this one on a daily basis. I love my job! And I love the people I work with! But I constantly worry that I'm not working HARD enough or being enough of a team player or that my endless array of typos will have me filing for unemployment. I remind myself when these feelings come over me that depression and anxiety LIE. I do my best work, and if I'm concerned about something ACTUAL I talk to my boss about it. 

4. Getting motivated enough to work out is rare (but so important). 

When you have depression and anxiety, exercise can be really beneficial. Studies have shown the positive effects of exercise on emotional well-being. My anxiety makes me desperate to find a way to burn off the jittery "bad" energy, but my depression can make me feel too lethargic to even think about getting up, let alone hitting the gym. 

One way to combat this feeling to do small exercises at home. Even simple stretching can make you feel better. For me it's about separating shame from the equation and remembering that exercise doesn't have to be a crazy treadmill session, it can be something small that makes me feel good. 

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5. Visiting the dentist is terrifying.  

Because of my anxiety, I constantly grind my teeth. I do it while working, I do it while sleeping, I do it at the gym, I do it going for a walk, it's a terrible habit. I should go to the dentist. But because I'm a person with depression I feel a lot of shame about going to see a dentist. That's because during my depressive episodes I seriously ignore taking care of my teeth. Add anxiety to the equation and I'm sure my dentist will judge me for my failings, a thought that is more than my anxious self can bear. 

I immediately confess my panic to my dentist now whenever I go to see her. Being scared of the dentist isn't an uncommon thing, and yours would much rather talk you through your panic than have to do mountains of work because you have skipped years of visits. Take it from someone who has skipped years of visits. 

6. Sometimes I forget to take care of myself.  

My depression makes me rip myself apart. I can stare in a mirror and seriously think I'm too ugly to exist. This can lead to a lack of self-care. I neglect myself, don't take showers, don't wash my clothes.

When my anxiety can't take it anymore, I'll try to pull myself together but even that can seem so totally overwhelming. Breaking your routine down into baby steps can help with this a lot. 

7. Being in a messy house affects me in a huge way.

My anxiety makes me want to clean, it makes me want to fix everything. That should be good, but it can actually keep me from getting real work done, which in turn leads to stress which in turn leads to MORE anxiety.

My depression can immobilize me altogether. Feeling really uncomfortable in a dirty space but being physically unable to rally the energy to do anything about the mess is a brutal mixture of emotions. 

Instead of arriving late or canceling plans or not getting work done because you HAVE to clean remove yourself from the situation and get some place where you can feel comfortable. Don't reward your anxiety by giving in to it. Normalize cleaning the way you work to normalize everything else in your life. 

8. It hurts when people don't take my feelings seriously. 

As a person with anxiety and depression, it can be hard to handle everyday confrontations without your mental illnesses being used against you. If you express annoyance at a roommate for not buying new milk, or ask a coworker if they can hurry up and file that report, you might be met with eye rolls and comments like "what, are you off your medication or something?"

My anxiety and my depression don't make all of my feelings and complaints invalid. Stop gaslighting me. 

9. I'm constantly afraid something will happen to the people I love. 

Because of my anxiety I am constantly worrying about different members of my family. Anxiety replaces normal love with worry and fear. My depression makes talking on the phone difficult for me to do, and my family lives all over the country. Checking in with them is hard and can strangely make me seem like I don't care at all. Nothing could be further from the truth. 

This is another case of communication saving the day. Let your family know why the phone is hard for you and I bet they can find other ways of communicating. In my family we're big FaceTime fans. 

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10. Finding the right medication combinations takes time (and patience).

Oh boy, this is a big one. Finding a combination of drugs that work for you can be a lifelong struggle. The pill you take to make you happy might exacerbate your anxiety. The pill that stops your anxious brain from running in circles might make your depression worse.

It sucks. Luckily, it's a process and there are doctors and therapists who can help get you through it. 

11. Sometimes I feel alone ... and like things will never get better.

Anxiety can make you feel like you are running in circles and not getting anywhere. Depression can make you feel like it doesn't matter because nothing matters anyway. This is turn makes you anxious. It's a snake eating its own tail, a horrible seemingly endless vicious cycle. 

It was hard to sit down and write these things out. That's because I am (knock wood) in a pretty good place. I manage both my anxiety and my depression with medication and therapy as needed. I've come a long way. But it's shockingly easy to access these feelings and emotions, easier still to pulled back into the way they feel when you're having — which is miserable to the extreme. 

You don't have to go through this alone, and that vicious cycle I mention as number 11? It's one you can break. For every "friend" who doesn't get what's wrong with you, there's another ready and waiting to support you. 40 million people suffer from anxiety and depression in the United States alone, and like you they are fighting every single day.

Relationship Advice: What do Men Want in Women?

This is a question I’m often asked by thousands of women! What DO men want?

I have interviewed thousands of men and although the specific qualities that men look for on an individual basis can vary immensely, there are always some very important traits that seems to appeal to all men. The results are a lot different compared to what women really want in a man. There are literally hundreds of personality traits and qualities that can be used to describe what a man is looking for. When men look for a long-term partner they have to consider basic compatibility on key areas in their life such as sex, religion, kids, finances, family and education. There are obvious deal breakers for some men which include if someone is a smoker or non-smoker, has pets, has kids, drinks, lives alone, height. In fact anything can be a deal breaker for anyone at anytime. It’s really all about personal preferences and what you are willing to accept and what you are not. So back to the burning questions: “What do men want in women?” I’ve collected just a few of the most common responses I’ve received when asking men this very question as a match making industry expert. What are you looking for in the “ideal” person?

“I want a woman who takes care of herself”

In my mind this phrase summarizes many things that a man is wanting from his woman. Taking care of herself often means she prides herself in her appearance. She hasn’t “let herself go”. This is a hug turn off to men and a big reason why many of the men I’ve spoken to are single. They lost the “attraction” to the person they were with, because she no longer took interest or cared about her physical appearance. It often indicates a woman is not concerned with how the man in her life is viewing her and becomes even less desirable because her self-esteem may be in question. Insecurity and neediness are the things that most men RUN from! Bottom line: Men want their women to look great! 

“I want a woman who knows what she wants”

This phrase can be taken in many contexts. When men describe some of their past relationships and ex-girlfriends it seems some of the reasons for the failed relationship is that “she didn’t know what she wanted”. She needed to “find herself”. Many women are far too emotional and seem like emotional basket cases. No man LIKES a moody person with multiple personalities depending on which side of the bed they woke up on. Many men have expressed their distaste for women that bounce from career to career not knowing WHAT she wants. Mostly this is expressed in complaining and whining; which is also a big turn off to men. Men can’t solve a problem when it lies within her.

“I want a woman who enjoys sex”

I don’t think this phrase requires much elaboration. Men are driven physically. Men bond physically with women as a form of expression. Have you ever heard the phrase that “Men want a lady on the street but a freak in the sheets”? This is true. The ideal sex partner is willing to do and try anything once, be available on command, be extremely vocal and likely have a bit of a pornographic like quality when it comes to sex and love-making. Men also appreciate women that are vocal in bed and tell them what they want. You can almost hear “camera, lights, ACTION in the background! That’s enough to get any man excited if he knows he has a woman who truly enjoys sex and sex with him! Men most feel connected with a woman through sexual expression, and most men want to express themselves often!

“I want a woman who will laugh at my jokes”

A woman who will laugh at a man’s jokes, even when they’re bad is a true keeper! This statement implies that men also want a woman who is supportive. Having a good woman, is a woman who will stand beside her man and have his back. A man wants a woman who understands him and does not put him down. Men like the encouragement that women give them particularly when it comes to their career or things of importance. They also want to hear phrases like “You can do it baby”. Men like their ego boosted and many men have large ego’s that need to be fed. So learn to feed that ego. Laugh at his jokes and tell him he’s the greatest thing in the planet at whatever he’s good at or striving for, and you will make any man happy!

“I want a woman who has her own life”

Men are attracted to women that have their own interests. Men are very attracted to a woman that has self-confidence. A woman with her own interests and friends, means opportunity for the man to have HIS own interests and friends. As soon as a woman starts to become a nag and starts to ask questions like “where are you going?” and “who are you going with?” and “what time will you be home“ Or “why do you have to have a boys night anyways?”, she becomes the type of person that he doesn’t want to be with. Men NEED their private time and time to do men things with other men. Any woman that tries to take away or infringe on this basic freedom will certainly not be the type of woman he will want to spend the rest of his life with, or possibly even the next date!

“I want a woman who will just speak her mind”

Most men are basic and simple when it comes to communication. Each man possesses a little bit of “Unga bunga” in them. Let me give you some examples: “I am hungry. I want sex. Not right now. You look fat in those pants.” Men typically say what they mean, and mean what they say. There is no hidden meaning. Women on the other hand speak a very different language to men. We expect men to KNOW exactly what we are thinking and have secret super human psychic ability. When a woman says “No nothing’s wrong”, we all know that SOMETHING is definitely wrong., and it’s not her fault either. If you communicate to a man LIKE A MAN, then you will find that you will get what you want faster than beating around the bush and “hinting” at it. Men don’t like games, especially when it comes to communication. I often hear men say “I wish she would have just told me”.

“I want a woman who’s happy and easy-going”

There are a lot of men out there that have dated a series of bitter women that can’t stop talking about all the “bad things” that happened to them and sharing their sob stories of their last relationships, WITHOUT being asked about it. Nobody likes negative people and when it comes to dating, it’s a real no no! All men ultimately want a women that makes him feel good! If your are a negative disillusioned cry-baby, you can expect that NO man will want to be around you. Men want to spend time with someone who is fun and exciting and the type of person he can hang out with along with his friends and family as well. No one wants to share time and experiences with someone that always sees the situation or place with a glass half empty mentality. A great partner for a man is someone that is also like a “best friend”….who’s hot and attractive and will laugh at all his jokes!

How to Deal With The Sadness and Pain Of A Break Up.

This article is a guest post written by Alex J.

If you are dealing with a break-up, you might feel right now that your heart is broken, and may stay that way. Don’t worry, I will try to help you get over your lost love.

Love can be a very peculiar thing-it can turn from joy to misery in a matter of moments. You may go from being a happy person while you are in a relationship, to suddenly becoming an emotional wreck after a breakup.

Sometimes people have trouble accepting that breaking up is inevitable, and their ex wasn’t what they had dreamed of. That discovery period can be very frustrating, and people become very sad; even depressed.

To help you cope with those sorts of things, I will discuss some of the most important breakup tips in the following article.

The Most Important Advice to Overcome The Sadness Of a Breakup

One thing I need to point out, is it is in human nature to search for a partner who can help us to get through bad times. That is why all of us often rush into relationships. We want to be in love, because many of us don’t want to be alone.

You can compare this situation with the one in which people look to hide from their problems by using drugs. Many of us are relationship-dependent and craving for a dose of love. That dose will make us calm, but will leave us craving for more and more all time. This condition, is commonly referred to as ‘love addiction’.

As it happens, some people just love to love. They love only the feeling of love, and are not, in fact enamored with their partner. Only, the problem is, they don’t know it.

And what happens when that sort of relationship falls apart? The ‘love addict’ will be certain the person of their dreams just left them. That person will get back to the bad state that made him or her enter that relationship in the first place. Depressed and miserable, these people will think that they can’t live without their ex.

It is definitely easier to fight your problems when there is someone by your side. However, it is bad if you don’t suit each other. If you started your love relationship only to cope with your current problems, than your love is not real. That state of mind is called external dependency.

External dependency is a defense mechanism our mind uses to get away from the problems. We have tendency to become dependent to certain external factors in order to feel safe. Love addiction is a type of external dependency – we make our love partners our saviors.

In this case, many of us choose to find a partner to in order to cope with problems together. When we face some big troubles in our life, we tend to look for someone who would be willing to share the suffering.

Difference between True Love and Addiction

Ask yourself the following questions:

• How did you feel when you were single?
• Were you in a bad mood or even depressed while being alone?
• What were your thoughts about being single? Did you think that you won’t achieve true happiness unless you find someone to be your lover?
• Do you feel now that answers to all of your problems came along with your girlfriend or boyfriend?

If your answers were yes, you might be not in love with your partner. As a ‘love addict’, you love the feeling of being in a relationship.

Emotions over People

Every love addict will forget about their ex, as soon as they enter a new relationship. They are really addicted to the emotions of love, and may not truly be “in love” with the person they are with.

How to Deal With a Breakup?

Unrequited love can cause severe suffering to the ones who are in love. It can be very difficult to be without the person you consider the woman or the man of your life. But I’ll ask you, are you sure that that person is really the one? What if you are just another love addict?

I know that it’s not easy to deal with a break up, but try to understand what love addiction means. Try to be as reasonable as possible in breakup situation, keep your composure and you’ll recover quickly from your love wounds.

If the reason why you entered the relationship in the first place was to get over your problems, then you might think that the solution for the breakup sadness lies only in a new relationship. But, is that the truth? Well, you might be a love addict that unconsciously searches for external escape from your problems. You need to fix your personal problems and only then you’ll be emotionally stable.

The Fear of Rejection

Sometimes after a breakup, people don’t feel sad because they had lost a potential soul mate, but because they don’t like to be rejected. Some people feel offended by rejection. They become insecure and start thinking of their weaknesses that might have lead to the breakup.

If you feel this way, you need to change your opinion about yourself. Remember that if you weren’t good enough, your ex wouldn’t even enter the relationship with you.

How Much Sadness is too much?

It is perfectly normal to suffer after breakup, but that must not affect your social life, job, and your health. You will go through several phases of sadness after a breakup, until you’re completely emotionally recovered.

It’s quite  normal for people to feel bad and angry following a breakup. You will feel like that for some time, but eventually you’ll get over it. What you should remember, are the lessons and positive experiences the relationship brought to you.

15 Subtle Signs You’re Secretly Addicted to Love

Are you someone who’s always overly excited about anything that has to do with couples and romance? If so, you could actually be addicted to love!

Red roses, hearts, and all things lovey-dovey; that’s what’s on your mind most of the time. Well, if you’re addicted to love that is. The truth is there are more of us addicted to love than we realize.

While it can be cute and innocent when you’re younger, if the addiction carries into adulthood, it can often pose a problem in your relationships. Expectations get way too high and you’re left feeling disappointed and like you’re the only one who cares.

You’re addicted to love and don’t know it!

I was addicted to love. All the signs were there and I dated people consecutively, never leaving time to adjust and heal between relationships. It might seem like a harmless addiction. But an addiction is an addiction, and you have to overcome it.

While not all of us are guilty of loving love too much, there are more of us out there than people realize. You might even be addicted to love and not recognize it! Here are 15 signs you suffer from a love addiction. [Read: Being in love – Are you just in love with the idea of love?]

#1 Valentine’s Day is your favorite holiday. This is an obvious one. If your favorite holiday is the one where love is celebrated, you’re addicted—especially since for you, this holiday beats Christmas and your birthday! Yes, your birthday is a holiday.

Valentine’s Day can mean a lot to some people, but if you’re counting down the days until you can celebrate it, you may want to consider admitting you’re addicted to love.

#2 You always have to know about everyone’s relationships. If your nose is constantly in other couples’ business, you might have a problem. Sure, you want to know about your friends’ relationships from time to time, but if you’re wanting extreme details, it’s time to consider you have an addiction.

#3 Your top five favorite movies are romance. I’ll admit, I’ve got a couple of romantic movies in my top five favorites, but all your favorite movies should not be romance. Your addiction to love makes you crave the stories encased in those films—the love stories.

Movies portray unrealistic romance, making your addiction grow because you envy that love. [Read: 8 famous movies that teach really bad lessons about love]

#4 You have a Pinterest board dedicated to love. A “Love” or “Marriage” board on Pinterest is a smaller sign you’re addicted to love, but a sign nonetheless. It’s a bigger indicator of a problem if those boards are completely FILLED with stuff.

When you’re constantly pinning new love quotes, pictures, and ideas so much that your other boards never get any attention, you may have an addiction to love.

#5 Your favorite emojis are the heart and the heart eyes. It’s fine to use these on occasion, but if they’re your favorite and you use them in almost everything you send, tweet, or post, it could be a sign you’re secretly addicted to love.

This also means you’re spending an awful lot of time discussing things that have to do with hearts and heart eyes. AKA: love.

#6 You’re always in a relationship. People who are addicted to love, LOVE it, obviously. So that being said, people with this problem are almost always in a relationship. They also move from relationship to relationship without any time off.

These people also tend to be the ones who leave a relationship when the romance runs out. They get bored and have to move onto something—or someone—that gives them the love they’re craving so much. [Read: 8 very obvious signs you’re a serial monogamist]

#7 You’re always the first to say “I love you.” If you’re addicted to love, then you love easily. Which means you’re usually the first person to say “I love you” in a new relationship. You’re the type of person who has said those words to all of your past partners as well. If that sounds like you, you’re probably secretly addicted to love. [Read: 10 reasons why saying ‘I love you’ too soon just sucks]

#8 You have all the dating apps. Tinder, Match, OkCupid, Hinge, PlentyOfFish, and the like. If you have multiple dating apps on your phone and are a frequent user, you could be addicted to love. Searching for love on such a broad spectrum is a definite sign.

#9 You find a way to turn any conversation into one about love. Or your lover. If you’re constantly bringing up love, dating, relationships, and even your own significant other, you could have a love addiction. Always having to keep the conversation aimed on love is a sure indicator you’ve got a problem. [Read: 23 facts about love that’ll blow your mind]

#10 The thought of not finding love sends you into panic mode. Do you have a legitimate fear of ending up alone and loveless? Some people out there have a panic response when thinking about this and those people usually are addicted to love. The thought of not having love in your life throws you into a mess. That’s a sure sign you’re secretly addicted to love.

#11 You rely on love for your happiness. When your primary source of happiness is linked directly to love, you could be addicted. If you truly feel you can’t be fully happy without having someone to love or love you in your life, then you could have a real love addiction.

#12 You tend to be needy in your relationships. Love addicts are the needy ones in the relationship. You need to feel loved more than people without an addiction. This makes you the one who always initiates conversation, gets upset when you haven’t heard from your significant other, and the one who sometimes annoys your partner with all your affection. [Read: 13 needy signs you’re too available for your partner]

#13 You are the most affectionate in the relationship. If you’re the person initiating sex, cuddling, and always sporting some sort of PDA whenever you go out, it’s safe to say you might be addicted to love. This goes along with being the needy one. You need to give them as much love as you can.

#14 All your friends tell you you’re obsessed with love. I know this one firsthand; although, I didn’t listen to them at the time. Your friends notice the behavior a lot more than you do. If your friends are always telling you you’re a little obsessed with love, you probably are.

#15 Deep down, you know you are. On some level, addicts always know they really have a problem—even if they don’t admit it. If you’re reading this feature, you probably have a feeling you might like love more than you should.

Too Skinny for Love? How Being Underweight Ruins Romance

We often hear about the dangers of obesity, but what about being underweight? How can losing too much weight affect your health and relationships?

It seems like there’s no happy medium, doesn’t it? Obesity and bullying over an overweight or “unhealthy” body image has been widespread across public media, glorifying thin frames. Amidst the fat-shaming, reports have glossed over the fact that health risks go both ways.

Patients are classed as being underweight if their BMI *Body Mass Index* is 18.5 or under. But what self-respecting man is going to complain about his girlfriend being too skinny, right? Sadly, they’re out there.

While, admittedly, we do live in a very shallow society, we also live in one where your boyfriend likely cares whether or not you are putting your health and body in danger. There are many risks involved in being underweight–both with your health and your relationships.

How does being underweight affect your relationship?

You may not notice that that your relationship is affected until it’s too late. Here are the things you should be watching out for.

#1 Worry. Your family and your mate love you, and when you have an unhealthy, underweight body, their main concern is going to be for your health. There are many health risks associated with being underweight, so it is only natural for them to express concern.

While suffering from anorexia, my outings with friends often consisted of them watching my food intake and worrying about my strength. It doesn’t exactly make for a night out on the town for either party.

#2 Lack of energy. The less you eat, or the skinnier you are, the less energy you are going to have. Not only is this unhealthy for your body, but it will also give you less gusto to go out and do things with your partner. You may even feel too sluggish to attempt anything remotely sexual. This can eventually become dull for both of you, as you will have limited options for what to do.

#3 Obsession with losing weight. This can manifest itself in several ways, such as over-exercising and under-eating. Both will result in the worry and frustration of your significant other. Your quest to stay at an unhealthy weight will not only make them feel like they are not good enough for you, but it will also cause them an untold amount of frustration and helplessness.

#4 Decreased libido. When you’re underweight, there is a high chance that your body won’t produce enough hormones to maintain some of your body’s functions. This may result in a lowered sex drive, which, as you can imagine, is bad news for your partner.

Effects of being underweight

Along with a lack of energy, there are a number of health risks associated with being underweight. Your partner would likely become worried, should you start to show signs of the following:

#1 Anemia. If you are underweight, you are likely not taking in the nutrients that your body needs. Those who are not consuming enough iron may be at higher risk of anemia, a lack of red blood cells in the body. This may leave you feeling sluggish and tired. Because you have a lack of red blood cells, your body has a harder time carrying oxygen throughout your body, which may leave you feeling cold all the time, as well.

#2 Susceptible to sickness. When you are underweight or small, your immune system may be at risk. You may be more susceptible to common viruses like colds, the flu, or other bodily infections. This can be bad news for your partner, because they may need to spend a lot of time nursing you, and you may pass illness on to them.

#3 Increased risk for osteoporosis. This disorder happens when bones become fragile and brittle, and the sufferer is at an increased risk of fractures and bone loss. This is true not only of underweight people, but also those who have a smaller body frame. As you get older and your bones become weaker, your spine may no longer be able to support your body, and you may end up with stooped posture before you even hit your 40s!

#4 Fertility issues. Women who are underweight may have interrupted or altogether missing periods. While this may sound like a blessing in disguise, this may have an effect on your ability to conceive. A man’s sperm count will also be negatively affected if he is underweight.

#5 In extreme cases: death. As with being severely overweight, being severely underweight carries the risk of premature death. A Canadian study by Dr. Joel Rayat St. Michael’s Hospital found that underweight adults carry a 1.8% higher chance of dying.

Recent studies have shown that being underweight may be more dangerous than being overweight; when the body is too thin or is being deprived of food, this has a severe effect on your organs. Your organs may begin to shut down the more they go unused, and when your body’s systems start shutting down, your body will start to wither away.

#6 Side effects of eating disorders. Anorexia nervosa is an eating disorder wherein the participant refuses to eat or severely lessens their amount of food intake. Those with this disorder also have an intense fear of weight gain, and they usually have a distorted sense of body image, wherein they feel like they are not thin enough, no matter how slender they actually are. Anorexia may have little to do with one’s preoccupation with body image; instead, it may be a side effect of depression.

Lying just opposite of anorexia nervosa are those suffering from bulimia. Men and women suffering from this condition eat a lot of food, then “purge” or vomit the food to make up for the calorie intake. Symptoms of bulimia include obsession with one’s body image, eating a large amount of food in one sitting, frequent trips to the bathroom after eating, guilt, and drastic changes in body weight. Sufferers of bulimia may also have eroded teeth, due to the stomach acids coming back up on such a regular basis. Intense bulimia may be extremely dangerous, too.

What can you do?

If you are not suffering from an eating disorder and do not know why you are underweight, consult your doctor. There are many natural ways to gain weight, such as working out and constructing a high carbohydrate and vitamin-filled diet.

Trying to gain weight while you are underweight does not mean you should polish off a tub of ice cream for dinner–as delicious as that sounds! Instead, stick to foods such as lean red meats, whole milk, tropical fruits, lean nut butters, avocados, whole grain breads, pasta, and potatoes. All of these foods contain vitamins and minerals that can help you gain weight in a safe, healthy way.

When in doubt, consult a dietitian who can help you create a meal plan that works for your height, weight, activity level, and nutrient requirements to gain weight and improve your health.